Shine Your Light


Shine Your Light

This is the season for your light to shine despite nature’s darkness.
Holidays.. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice….

It happens to be the season where the days are the shortest and nights the longest.

Have you ever been in what Thomas Moore calls the “dark night of the soul”?

This can happen at any point in time, in life or business.
There are moments when something breaks down; health, life, business, career, family etc. Not just a little bit.. a lot.

Like going through a divorce, having a life threatening illness, financial bankruptcy, an accident, losing a family member.

These moments call you to dig deeper and go to the source of who you are.  You are being asked to reconsider your priorities, recalculate your “route” like the GPS in your car reminds you so faithfully when you missed the turn or the exit.

The only caveat is that when these things happen, you haven’t missed anything, it is simply life calling you to move forward from a deeper place.

There is no need to wait for those moments to happen!

Every year, I use this time of the year to come back to myself and ask those deeper questions.

As we turn the page into a new year,  it is a good time to reflect and ask yourself if you need to “re-calculate” your route.

Are you on point with your purpose?

Do you feel “off track” with your intentions?

Have you let the most important things in your life fall by the wayside, leaving you feeling dissatisfied or unfulfilled?

This year, I’ve recorded my process for you, so you can re-assess and orient your goals so 2017 can be your best year yet.

If your answer is YES to any of my questions, I encourage you to take the time to connect with your aspirations and goals on a deeper level. You CAN align your actions with your purpose! Make 2017 the year you shine your light the brightest.

 

If you are interested in going deeper in finding the answers to those questions or similar questions, I invite you to join me for a 3 part workshop series, “Change Makers On Fire”.

Go Deeper, New Workshop Series Starting in January!

I invite you to join me for a 3 part workshop series to go deeper and align your body, heart & mind with your life purpose & business.

If you have been a coaching client of mine in the past, you get to take any of these workshops or ALL OF THEM for FREE!!

January 7th: Self-Care, Self-Worth to Net Worth 
Align your health to bring your wealth into manifestation in 2017.

January 14:  Vision to Action
Get inspired to dream big for 2017 by connecting to your soul centered purpose for your life and work. Create the plan to make it happen.

January 21: Purpose to Promotion
Make money by creating a simple marketing/promotional plan that ignites your fire by aligning your work/business with your heart centered purpose. Set achievable goals to make it happen.

Register Here!

* For past clients, please email me directly to register!

In the meantime, I wish you the best
There is only 1 of you. ☺

May you spend time during this holiday season reconnecting with what is truly meaningful to you!
May you be happy, healthy and fulfilled!
May there be peace into your heart!
Let your beautiful light shine into this world, the way only you know how!

Be the Change You Want to See in the World


Be the Change You Want to See in the World

Since November 8, post-election effect, I have decided to take a stand in my own way. I have decided that the time has come to go for what I truly believe in, helping people take a stand for what they truly believe in.

Strange job indeed it is, to help people tap into their purpose and turn it into a prosperous endeavor.

In 1997, I became certified as a life coach. The journey began after an injury working as a massage therapist. Back then, even though I didn’t have a passion for massage work but knew it was a good “revenue making job”, I made the decision to become the best massage therapist I could be. I enrolled in a variety of training programs and became specialized as a neuromuscular therapist.
The kind of “deep tissue work” involved with being a neuromuscular therapist combined with the addition of too many hours working per day was the perfect recipe for what is called an “overused injury”.

To my shocking dismay, the Berkshire Medical Center occupational therapy nurse told me after examining me that “I should be thinking of re-orienting my career. That I would not last much longer in this profession because of the severity of my injury.”
Thus began my search for another occupation.
At that point I had accumulated a massage therapy certification, studied psychology, had worked as a mental health counselor in a day program for people who had suffered depression, and as an aid in the largest psychiatric hospital in Montreal. I always LOVED counseling people so it was of no surprise to me when the career counselor told me that I would make a great psychotherapist! My response surprised her when I immediately replied “no thank you, not interested. I am interested in helping people build on their strengths, not focus on what is pathological in their behaviors.” positive psychology didn’t exist back then.

Her response set the course for a new career for me, she told me about coaching. I immediately signed up to take the first program that the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) offered on the East Coast and the rest is history.
I love coaching people because the basic premise of coaching, specifically the CTI coaching program holds that “People are naturally creative, resourceful and whole.” All the answers we seek are inside of us.

The role of the coach is to listen on a deep level and uncover the truth that most people are afraid to hear inside their heart, mostly because of conditioning.

Nowadays, the coaching industry is huge and it is challenging for people to differentiate what coaching is and especially differentiate one coach from another.
Most people come to coaching because they feel “stuck”.

What does that have to do with “Being the change we seek in the world?”
Everything!
The elections results have firmed up my mission to empower people to fully live their potential and turn their passion and purpose into prosperity peacefully!

Why?

When we stand in the center of what we truly believe in, we stand in the center of our heart centered values. We express what our soul came here to express, we create peace. In all the wisdom traditions, it is said that the “heart is the seat of the soul”, which means that when we truly do what we love, we become successful.

My niche is to work with people, mostly women, who have had to overcome adverse childhood experiences that later translated into physical breakdowns- burnout, breast cancer, or other kinds of life threatening illnesses.

Why?

Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs.
Adverse childhood experiences do two things; they build strength, character and endurance and also leave a trail of stress/trauma in the nervous system that can translate into auto-immune diseases and other more serious diseases later in life. (You can read more about this in reading the ACE study results by clicking here http://www.acestudy.org/index.html

Whether or not you have found yourself in a similar situation or have had adverse childhood experiences, you may be called in this historic time to to take a stand.
If you have the strength to overcome something challenging, you also have the strength to help others do the same. Our biology affects our psychology. Like they say “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.
If you are someone who has had to overcome something challenging, you know something about that!

If you are experiencing a personal transformation that is leading you to firmly believe in a new truth about yourself, a new truth that can make a real difference in the world, I invite you to take a stand.

How?

1. Ask your heart “what do you long for?”
Seek deeper and ask yourself If I had only a few months left to live to accomplish my purpose, what would I be doing, who would I be?”
Listen… deeply inside your heart for the answer.

2.Scan your history
Look for the events, jobs, activities that brought you the most joy… things that ignited your passion, identify why (hint: your values were honored, your strengths and talents were probably expressed)
Look for the places in your life where you got angry, where you feel that an injustice was made, places where you have broken down physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. (Hint: your values and who you are were not honored)

3. Ask yourself “If I truly honored who I am, what I believe in, express my gifts/talents/strengths/values and gave myself 100% to a cause, something I truly believe in, what would I be doing? How would I be of service?” What would you do, especially if money was not the issue?”

4. Take a stand for what you believe in and take action. You don’t need to know the full picture before you take a stand. If you care for the environment, you don’t need a full time job in an environmental group to make a difference, join a local organization, begin at home or with your neighbors asking yourself “how can we care for our corner of the world?”.
If you care for animals, volunteer at a shelter, help your neighbors with their pets, be kind to people’s pets when you see them struggling.
If you care for children, help someone in need, either a single parent or volunteer in an after school program.

5. Tell someone you trust about it
Isolation is the “dream killer”. Choose who you surround yourself with. Avoid “naysayers”, people who like to complain without taking action. They might/will feel threatened by you taking a stand for what you believe.

Change Makers on Fire

If you feel ready to take action and want some support in doing so, I am launching a new a new Mastermind Group this coming January.

Change Makers on Fire”  is designed for Heart Centered Leaders and Entrepreneurs, people who choose to be the leader of their own life, people who have had a story of transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs and who want to be part of a community to turn their passion into purpose and prosperity.

You don’t have to be an entrepreneur to join this group. You simply have to have fire in the belly and want to bring change into your life. You believe that change begins at home and you no longer are willing to wait for “other people” to create the change you seek. You are willing to commit your time and resources to turning your vision into action.

I will be sharing more Mastermind Group details soon, stay tuned!

Happy Thanksgiving From Chantal!

An Appreciative Heart is Good Medicine!

Every year at this time, I write about this topic and I always feel funny doing it.

Last year I made the commitment to make this part of my daily routine instead of waiting for the “official day”, Thanksgiving, to be grateful.

I started by downloading a free App that called “The Happiness Wizard”. I filled it out once or twice then stopped.

I kept the app though because reminders would pop up on my Ipad asking me things like “What are you grateful for today?” and “What made you happy today?”.

I made a habit of reviewing my day before falling asleep, highlighting what went well and what I was grateful for. It helped me sleep better and also not take for granted all the small and big things that went well. Gratitude is to the heart what flowers are to honey bees.. sweet nectar. 

The Heartmath Institute (HI) has studied the “coherent heart” and its effect on our overall health; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

A growing number of scientists theorize it is the heart, of all your body’s organs, that plays perhaps the most important role in our emotional experience.
At the HI they have identified two types of heart waves that show up in response to feeling good or feeling bad.

When we feel what we call “positive emotions”, emotions such as love, appreciation, kindness, joy etc., the heart waves are “coherent”, they look like smooth rolling hills.

On the other side when we experience what we would call “negative emotions”, such as anger, frustration, loneliness, anxiety, etc, the heart waves are incoherent, they show up as “jagged”.

Negative emotions create a chain reaction in the body: stress-hormone levels increase, blood vessels constrict, blood pressure rises and the immune system is weakened. Consistently experiencing these emotions will put a strain on the heart and other organs which could eventually lead to serious health problems. An appreciative heart is good medicine

The practice of appreciation and gratitude fills the heart with good medicine which in turns help all other physical systems of the body.In addition, it stabilizes our mood and helps us feel more secure. We cannot feel love and fear at the same time. It is a matter of choice in terms of where to put our focus.

This Thanksgiving, I invite you to begin the habit of giving your heart “good medicine”.
The rest of your body will appreciate it along with your moods and the people around you!

In gratitude to all of you for being part of my life,

Happy Thanksgiving!

How To Make Sense Of Something Which Seems So Senseless

heart-matters

How do we make sense of something that appears senseless?

For some of us, the election results left us feeling “shocked”, like something really bad happened and we could not make sense of it.

For others the result made complete sense. By the popular vote, the results divided the US almost exactly 50/50.

The results left us polarized.
For those who shook their heads in disbelief, we had to dig deeper.
For those who won their elections, celebration was the order of the day.

In the end though, if we hate each other, no one wins.

When we open our heart, it is bound to get hurt at some point, that is the nature of the heart. Being wholehearted means going full out.

How do we make sense of what doesn’t make sense?
We go deeper inside ourselves.
We remember who we are.
We remember that who we are is not our profession, our skin color, our gender, our race, or our economic status.

At our core essence we are all parts of the whole. We are part of the earth, we are part of the universe, we are part of the human race.
We are not defined by the externals, we are defined by the way we define ourselves. We are defined by the whispers of our hearts.

How do we make sense of things when they don’t “seem” to make sense?
We look for the common thread in humanity. We look at to “heart matters” which supersede “brain matters”. The heart has its own intelligence.

Next time you find yourself having a business interaction with a client that doesn’t go the way you want, stop, breathe and look for commonalities.

Look for how separation is created by fear, anger, frustration and hate. All of these fueled by artificial fear unless your life is truly in danger. Your fear is a by-product of your mind, your thoughts and beliefs. You do have power over it.
How do you make sense of what seems to be senseless?
You ask your heart for guidance and patiently wait for the answer!

What Are Your Words Worth?

The past two weeks I had two clients “break” their contract and cancel their work earlier than what they committed to.

Of course, I can never force anyone to work with me and I know that; neither can you.
Now, here is the interesting thing about all this. I give people a “heads up” when I first start working with them because I know that there is the potential for that to happen; it’s why I ask for a contract and payment ahead of time to help my clients get through the “I’ve hit the wall and want to quit because I am afraid factor”.

Contracts and money are forms of commitment that we make to ourselves just like committing to keeping our own word.

Business coaching is the same as sports coaching. With the help of a coach the athlete will exceed their expectations and perform far beyond what they think is possible. It’s part of the job of coaching to hold a client’s/student’s feet to the fire, sometimes I have to do this too.

Here’s a story to illustrate my point

Two years ago I had a new client who wanted to write a book. As it is the same with everyone, I asked her for prepayment and told her why. I told her that as part of the process of reaching her goal, she probably would start having “good excuses” for not writing or showing up to our appointments and that despite the excitement or the best intentions she had at the onset of signing up, she would hit that place where she would feel like quitting.

As “predicted” after about 4 months, all kinds of stuff started “standing in the way of her showing up”. The writing schedule disappeared and appointments were rescheduled or cancelled.

I “knew” that fear had reared its ugly head and I also knew that I had to say something about it, which is not my favorite part. Despite the fact that I had talked about this possibility upfront, I still never like the feeling of “cracking down the whip”, despite the fact that “I know” that this is not what I am doing really, that my intention is to help bring consciousness into what is an unconscious reaction.

So, I went ahead and communicated my awareness to my client, and then I invited her to get back in the saddle. She took me up on the challenge and began writing regularly. Six months later, the first draft of her book was finished and now 1.5 years later, she is looking for a publisher!

This demonstrates the power of commitment and living up to the words we speak!
A big component of the coaching relationship is to pay someone to help us stay accountable to the words we speak, especially when the going gets tough and I promise you, that if you are doing something really near and dear to your heart, it will happen, it is a given!
Why?
Because, when we enter the “realm of the soul, the “wounded ego” gets activated!
The “wounded ego” is the part of us that is committed to surviving, not thriving. It is that part of us that wants to keep “status quo”, that does not want to “rock the boat”.

It will fight you like crazy. It will make all kinds of excuses for you to not show up in your brilliance, it will make you sick, remind you that you don’t have what it takes to make this happen, disrupt your life, your relationships, make you believe that you are going broke or near bankruptcy, that you don’t have enough of ________ (fill in the blanks) and you will believe every bit of it and want to quit.

I have been there and probably will be there as long as I breathe and commit to filling in the large shoes that my soul guides me to fill in.

Commitment is an ally that works, not an enemy, your words matter!.
When you sign a contract, you sign a contract with yourself. If you break that contract, you break the contract with yourself. NO feeling bad about it or guilty. It is simply a matter of asking yourself, what are you committing to?
Fear? Growth? Soul Evolution? Not for the faint of heart.

You may step back many times before you take the leap to then simply realize that there was nothing to fear. Building a heart centered business will challenge you to the core and yes your wounded ego will make you believe that you don’t have what it takes, courage, finances, vision, support, what it takes etc.
Which voice do you want to listen to?

Exercise: “Wounded Ego dialogue”

Click here to download an exercise to help you differentiate the voice of fear versus the voice of your heart.

Self-Worth Equals Net-Worth

How do you hold your “price”?

More often than not, my clients and I seem to get bogged down in emotional issues.

Let’s face it, making decisions involves getting clarity and more often than not getting clear means knowing what you want; which comes from knowing what you feel.

In business as in life, issues arise.

Issues can be as simple as a client not paying on time or more complicated like having to address more serious matters with an employee, a colleague or a friend.

This past week, while talking with a friend who is new in starting his business, he was expressing his frustration about a hard day of work and less money than he should have charged/quoted. His frustration was real. The job that needed to be done was physically demanding and took twice as much time as he thought it was going to take.
At the end, he was exhausted and his mind was unsettled about the money he was going to get.

During our debriefing, we covered a range of topics including self-worth, money exchange, dealing with people’s reactions while giving an estimate, and underestimating the time needed to do the job. You know, the good stuff that can only be learned while attending the “school of hard knocks”.

Events like these can only be dealt with through real business experience with real people. Despite his incredible frustration at himself and people in general, we were able to sort out the lessons learned.

It was all going well until he said “Well, it is not fair that you get paid only to “talk” to people while I work so hard and get paid less”.

Of course, when I stand up and teach a workshop or sit with a client in a one-on-one coaching session, it seems to be effortless on my part, no one realizes that I spent 6 years in 3 different Toastmasters clubs learning public speaking, twice as the president, that I worked as a training director for 6 years delivering countless hours of training in addition to getting certified in a variety of coaching modalities, mind/body psychotherapy healing programs and multiple training and development certifications.
It looks to him like I just “show up” and talk to people… that’s what my friend was saying.

I had to take a double deep breath on that one.
Of course how would he value what I do, especially when I offer my advice freely to my few friends who are in business for themselves?

What he was dealing with while agonizing, was three things; the prices he quoted and the potential client’s reaction to his price (he really wanted to get the client), him launching his new business (still green in quoting prices) and the uncertainty around price setting (not clear benchmarking his industry).
One thing he thought he knew for sure was the amount of work needed to do the job. (Although in the end, it took him twice as long as he estimated).

At first my reaction was to joke and say “talk to the boss.. oh wait.. you are the boss”.
His response was “you are not funny”.
After going through the components of his deal including the emotional/physical fatigue incurred, I wanted to use this experience as a learning opportunity.

The first person that has to be convinced of the validity of your price is.. YOU!

One of the most challenging things to do while being in business for yourself is to set prices and stand by them.

I personally have done it all, under-pricing when I started which meant I worked too much for too little, changed my prices depending on who was in front of me as I “knew” what was in their bank account, giving more hours for the same price etc. The only thing that I have yet to do is to stretch my self-belief and ask for more than what I feel comfortable with which leads me to my 5 step process in setting prices.

5 steps to setting your price

 

1) Convince yourself of what your value is
Add up the number of years that you have learned directly or indirectly your craft, add the number of dollars that you invested in training and development, compile the two with life experience and “voila”! You hopefully are starting to see that when you show up, you have a suitcase filled with years of experience and knowledge.
2) Get clear on your packages

Create packages for your services; you can use an hourly rate if you’d like. For example, if you design websites, create three packages from the lowest tier for a very basic design to the highest tier for something more complicated that may involve SEO (search engine optimization).
Define those packages in terms of time taken.
Add the number of years of experience that you have. Obviously more experience means faster and more elaborate work.

3) For each package, set your price “intuitively”
Take two pieces of paper and set two price points; one that takes your breath away (highest) and one that sinks your heart (lowest). Place these two pieces of paper on the floor and take a step just in the middle of what feels “right” to you. Set a price point and stick to it for each package.

4) Add services “a la carte”
Get clear on your hourly rate and the type of services that would be added potentially. For example for someone who designs website, a homepage video would be an “added” service.

5) Benchmark your services by researching the industry and compare prices

Determine your price based on value not on others. You may offer web services similar to other people yet you may have a BA in Fine Arts that gives you an artistic eye to capture the essence of who your client is.

Learn to live with your price points. Practice makes perfect, so practice saying your prices without flinching with friends and willing acquaintances.
Learn to overcome objections by benchmarking the services against the value that people will get.

For example someone getting a website designed by someone who has earned a BA in Fines Arts will get a personalized brand through colors and images that someone else might not get.

Identify what distinguishes you from the crowd and be able to speak to that.
Practice, practice and practice!

The more you practice, the less people’s reactions will deter you.
Know that their reaction is the reflection of how worthy they feel about their deserving the investment that they are about to make for their business.
Drop me a line and let me know what you think!

Deep Down Inside, You Know

Yesterday I was coaching my youngest client, a 13 year old very insightful teenager. We began the session with her reporting that she was very tired and didn’t have much to say. I was surprised and delighted at the same time. The time had come to be more in the moment and in relationship to each other as opposed to managing “stories from the past”.

I invited her to not stress herself, take some deep breaths and see what comes up. I invited her to do what I call a “body scan”, to pay attention as she was breathing to what she noticed in her body from head to toe and report her findings.

She proceeded to report tension in her shoulders. I then asked “what if your shoulders could speak, what would they say”?
She replied, “they would say “stop”!”
We entered into a dialogue about what that word was speaking to. It was speaking to the sense of pressure that she was feeling.

Of course, who could not relate?

We all feel that sense of pressure, for some of us more than others, and our body is the quickest feedback system that will let us know that we are feeling “out of sort”.
For some of us, a queasy stomach, a light headed feeling, an overhaul feeling of impending doom, a racing mind unable to focus, are all symptoms pointing in the direction of the “inner pressurer” at work.

What do I mean by that?

I mean the voice(s) that we have internalized as we grew up. The people around us, even in their best attempts to impart their knowledge, love, and care to us had their own inner critic and they passed some of those voices/comments/reactions to us.

As children we don’t really have the capacity to distinguish between what our “inner knowing” and our external care providers are saying. It is only when we grow up that we begin feeling the uneasy feelings, the feelings that don’t feel “right”. The ones that let us know that there is a difference between our inner critic, beliefs that don’t serve us, inner judgments, or other people’s judgments and our deep inner nature.

I have been working on this myself for quite some time. It took a real deep dive into breast cancer for me to begin looking at all the places in my life where I did not have self-compassion and kindness towards myself and my life. That sense of inner pressure, the “should”, “have to’s”, the not being good enough or too much/too little of something had cut off the life force from my heart and body and ultimately impacted my health.

I view my inner work and my work with my coaching clients as very simple work, make the distinction between those two voices, the voice of the heart and the voice of the inner critic.
After “speaking out loud” the sentences that were creating stress in her shoulders, I invited my young client to imagine or remember a place where she could relax and feel safe. Then, I asked her:

“What do you know about yourself that is true?”
What qualities do you have that make you the unique person you are?”
What inner resources do you know you can count on, if you were left stranded somewhere on a desert island, qualities that you know would show up no matter what?”

Now mind you, these are deep questions for a 13 year old teenager yet she was able to answer. We made a list of who she is and her qualities.
I then asked her the following “how do you know that these things are true about yourself?”

She then replied “deep down inside, I know”!

When you find yourself “out of sort”, stressed out, fatigued, frustrated, not getting the results you want… Ask “what part of me is putting pressure on me that needs to get somewhere, accomplish something, or imparts a conscious belief that says “is something wrong with me?””
After becoming cognizant of those feelings/thoughts/beliefs, focus on your heart and ask “deep down inside” what is the truth, about me, this situation, the people around me?

Let yourself know that you know who you are deep down inside!

Drop me a line and let me know what you think about what I wrote..

Until we see each other again, may you be happy, healthy, and have compassion towards yourself and others.

Chantal

Weekly Health Tip – Meditation Matters

I woke up this morning @ 4 a.m. worried about the future.

The voice in my head was not pretty to hear. 

How could that voice be up so early you might wonder?

Well.. as the saying goes,  “there is no rest for the weary” and my inner critic is weary and really likes to remind me of its existence very early in the morning or in the middle of the night!

As always, I find peace and calm by sitting down and doing my meditation.

A lot has been written about the benefits of meditation, if you are new to meditation, here is a great article from the Huffington Post covering the many benefits of meditation.   

 

Meditation Benefits I Experience

  • I remember who I am, the connection I have with all that is. I “know” that I am connected to a source of love, power, and knowledge that is much wider than my human mind.
  • I calm down because I “know” that this connection goes from the universe to me to others. We are all in it together. It breaks the isolation that the “ego mind” wants to keep me in.
  • I connect to my heart. I forgive myself and others more easily if I have a conflict with someone. I resolve conflicts in a peaceful way.
  • I find deep compassion in my heart for my struggles and other people’s struggles.
  • I find unwavering answers to questions posed by my mind, question that seem challenging become clear. I find unshakable clarity by tapping into my “inner knowing”.
    There are many more benefits that I experience. By simply sitting with ourselves, we create a deeper connection to who we are.

 

The Structure of my Meditation Practice

I do a “meditation combo” platter. It may sounds strange to say, but quite frankly I was never able to meditate until I attended a week long healing “chod” with Lama Migmar Tseten, the Harvard University Buddhist Chaplain a few years back and this is how I begin my meditation. I offer the opening prayer given by Lama Migmar then continue with mindful awareness/body scan and breath.

After about 30 minutes or less depending on the time I have, I will continue with the repetition of a mantra given by Lama Migmar. There are multiple ones and I get to choose which one I need on that very morning. Some are for healing, others for peace or abundance etc.
I end with a prayer, pull an angel card for the day and “voila” I am done!

If you are new to meditation here are a few resources to get you started.

 

Getting Started With Meditation Resources

  • You can purchase the audiobook “how to meditate” by Pema Chodron on www.audible.com
  • You can get more information on re-wiring the brain using meditation by the author of the book “Buddha’s Brainwww.rickhanson.net
  • Download a free guided meditation from another neuro-scientist and author of the “Self-Compassion” book and by Kristin Neff www.self-compassion.org
  • You can always visit Deepak Chopra to find out when the next 21 day FREE meditation series will start.
  • You can download FREE somatic guided meditation on the Ocean Dharma website www.DharmaOcean.org

All these meditations will be guided meditations which is a good place to start. There are more resources available online and in books, these are the ones that I have used the most.

If you know of one that has worked for you.. feel free to let me know!


 

Are You Dimming Your Light To “Fit In”?

Having been brought up in three different foster homes, I have learned the art of being a “chameleon” which means that I can “fit in” no matter what the circumstances.


For the longest time, I valued this trait, in fact I prided myself on being this way. I could literally be dropped into any new environment and figure out the name of the game and play it very well.

In regards to work, this same ability tripped me up.

I just didn’t know, not having had any family to encourage me or focus me on developing any particular talents, what I was good for. I worked for money. I worked to survive and put food on the table, pay my rent and pay for anything else that needed to be paid for.


The upside of this is that I never felt like I had to measure up to anyone’s expectations except my own. However at times this was very intense as I felt that I never measured up to my own expectations.

Learning Through Experience

In college I began working at a restaurant to pay for school, and then went onto a psychiatric hospital because the pay was amazing and I could work the evening shift and go to school during the day. I went back to waitressing and bartending because I wanted to make more money to pay for my dance lessons. I had discovered that I truly loved dancing when in college.

I loved school and the challenge of doing it all, but my grades suffered. In my early thirties, I had one year left to finish my BA and went back to school, studying psychology, dance and business. My father-in-law at the time suggested to consider studying business, as a “good skill to have”. To please him and because I also had the business bug, I went ahead and studied business.


Somewhere between high school and Cegep (the equivalent of an associate degree in Quebec) I chose to attend the first massage school in Montreal because I figured that I could make money more independently. At that point in time, massage was popular yet not considered a therapeutic modality (call it “specials”).

I quit after two weeks.


I first discovered life coaching while finishing my BA. I attended the first coaching training that ever offered by the coaches training institute on the East Coast and the rest is history. I knew that I had connected to something deeply meaningful.

So far so good in the story right?


I happened to “think” back then that it wasn’t enough.. I wasn’t enough.
Despite the fact that I was truly doing well coming out of coaching school with very little experience in building businesses, I was maintaining between 7 and 10 clients at the time per week yet I “thought” that I wasn’t doing well.


When a corporate training job was offered to me, I accepted. It was a great challenge, not having had any experience as a corporate trainer nor banker, yet for the first six months I felt like I was “dying” inside. The banking environment was not especially the kind of environment I had imagined myself working in.
I was looking forward to the challenge of learning; I climbed the learning curve really fast, which at the end made me proud of my accomplishments, yet I got lost!

I learned to “fit in” all over again. I learned to do things because they were “acceptable” not because I truly enjoyed them. After four years I “knew” that I was done!

Two years after I got laid off. I couldn’t quit. I had become afraid and cynical. I was cynical of coaches in practice for themselves. I thought that it was the “best kept secret” that coaching schools were spitting out graduates like crazy yet very few people were making a true living as a coach.


When I got laid off I stepped into the business that my husband and I had started two years prior without too much thinking. There were a series of events that happened that made my brain go on “strike”.

I didn’t asked myself “what do I want” or “what do I need”, instead I asked “what is needed” and when our front desk manager quit 3 months after I got laid off, I stepped in. I “knew” within six months that it wasn’t what I wanted yet couldn’t pull myself out. I had been trained at an early age, to ask that question “what is needed” versus “what do I need/want”?

Fast forward four years later, I was dealing with Epstein Bar and another two years later, I was dealing with breast cancer which is when I truly decided to take a deeper look at what my life was truly about. I wanted to shine my light and realized that I had dimmed it to “fit in”.


In her second book, Anita Moorjani, a stage 4 lymphoma cancer survivor, who spent 30 hours in a coma, explains that when we go in the “other realm” we are received and surrounded by unconditional love because of who we are, NOT what we do or didn’t do. We realize that who we are is truly unique and that we are on the earth to shine our light not to suffer or pay our dues.

We are here to live in joy, to claim our passion and live with purpose, that at the core we are all connected and deeply loved and that the more we do what we love, the more our light shines!

Are You Dimming Your Light To “Fit In“?


So.. take a look..
Where in your life do you do things to “fit in”?
Where have you given up on trusting yourself to do the things you love and expect that something of value will come out of it?
Where have you adapted your behavior to please others and lost yourself in the process?
Take a look at the places/people in your life with whom you feel drained by or obligated to, where you lose your personal power. These are the places where you may have dimmed your light!

It is never too late to re-ignite your spark. |Focus on what you love and do more of that!

Until we speak again.. May you be filled with love!

 

Let Your Madness Fuel Your Fire

Do you ever get mad.. or fed up.. or impatient.. or had enough of everything and everybody?

Even though you are leading a heart centered business and try to have a heart centered life, sometimes you just hit the wall!


A few days before I went on vacation that is how I felt!
I began noticing how tired I was, how busy I felt, and how little there was to show for it.
I knew then that it was time for me to stop making decisions, it was time to take a hard look at what was bothering me.

There were a lot of “holes” that seemed to be draining my energy. I wasn’t focused enough on the right things. Because of this, I chose to take a week off to recalibrate myself and postponed making immediate decisions.

Fortunately, while attending my week long meditation retreat everything inside of me calmed down and my head got clear.


It became obvious what needed to go, where the drains were and what I needed to do to “plug” the holes.

Sometimes being mad is the best thing you can do for yourself because being mad means “no”. It means that some boundaries have to be created.

Those boundaries can be with clients, with whom you feel that you are not making headways, even though your clients have to go at their own pace. It could be with some actions that you need to take, some things that you have to let go off the “to do list” because those things are not yielding results or not the results you want.

Whatever it is, let your madness fuel your fire

Take the following steps:

Are there things in your life that continually frustrate you and for some reason you tolerate?

Make the list of all those things from the smallest to the biggest.

  • For example do you tolerate a small mess in your office, the one that you keep telling yourself that you will take care of later yet every time you look for something you can’t find it.
  • Do you tolerate clients being late or not paying you on time?
  • Do you tolerate people coming in to visit you unannounced because you work from home they think that you are “available?”
  • After making your list, rate your list on a scale to 1-10. 1 is the lowest number (least frustrating) and 10 the highest (most frustrating).
  • Pick the top 3 items work related or not that have the highest number and let yourself “know” what needs to happen.
  • Ask yourself “what would be the best outcome for this”? and do not let your mind deter you from believing that you can have what you want. Whenever we “leak” energy, that energy is not available for other things. Be firm in believing that you can literally make the changes necessary for your own good, the good of your life and your business.
  • Keep plugging away at your list, take 3 items per week or month and keep clearing up the areas where you feel drained and notice how it affects you energetically and also how much lighter and freer your life/business will feel.

Drop me a line and let me know if you have any questions or how this is working out for you..

Chantal