Taming Your Temper

Anger can truly be the fuel behind your fire.

It can be the fuel behind your actions and your decisions.
Anger can be the deal clincher that makes you set boundaries like you have never done it before. It can help you say “NO,”  empowering you to  say “YES” in places that matter.

This past, week I had this exact conversation with one of my clients.
She encountered a couple of situations with her clients that fired her up.
Of course, she managed to respond calmly (to the best of her ability), yet she wanted to find a way to resolve those issues for herself and her business so  they would not happen again.

For years, I have had my dealings with this powerful emotion. In fact, I was afraid of my own anger. Like a blazing wild fire, it would flare up and take a on a life of its own in the most unexpected times.

I didn’t know what to do, so I  repressed it. I would push it down in order to remain calm, yet it would fester inside. My whole body and mind seemed to shut down, wherever there had been happiness or inspiration now seemed to be a desolated land. I felt cut off from people because I was cut off from my own feelings.

It took me years to learn how to manage this wild horse, my blazing fire.
First I had to “befriend it”. It has been 20 years since  I read
my first book on anger that changed my life. I do not remember the title yet I remember the book’s message; that anger was there for a reason and our job was to figure out its message.

I learned to “own” my anger. I became aware of how powerful this energy was in my body. I learned to channel this energy in a way that was constructive.
I would literally choose to move, go out for a hike, a run, a bike ride until the fire calmed down and the words came through.

It is  no mystery to me that I came to this behavior honestly.
Growing up, people around me didn’t know how to manage their own anger either. They either repressed it or exploded or did both.  I learned to repress it because exploding felt dangerous.

It has been my experience that most women do repress more within than express externally, without making a generalization here.

When women get mad, they are called the “B word”.
When men get mad, they are called powerful, righteous or commanding.
Multiple studies have been done on this topic.

What to do when you get mad?
(click here to download my 5 step process to tame your temper)

  1. Recognize the energy of anger in your body and call it for what it is. The truth shall set you free.
  2. Learn to harvest the power of its energy.
  3. Give your anger words.
  4. Uncover your needs underneath the anger.
  5. Speak your needs in a way that can be heard!

Emotional needs are as fundamental to us as physical needs.
Once recognized and acknowledged, they don’t “scream” for attention anymore.

Once you are able to deal with yours, you will be able to recognize and fulfill your clients’ needs much more easily (within the range of what you offer of course).

Does that speak to you?
Do you have problems dealing with this powerful emotion?
If so, where do you get stuck?

Is there a situation that is bugging you right now?
Just give me a call… I can walk you through this process easily.. and help you get to the place of feeling empowered.
Share your comments  below!

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